Doctor Domestic
by cheri1
Summary: Ten/Rose. Crackfic. After betting the Doctor he can't do anything domestic, he and Rose go to Jackie's house so the Doctor can prove otherwise. FINISHED.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Rose woke up early, ready for a new day. She walked to the kitchen and began making herself some breakfast. While she did that, the Doctor strolled into the kitchen.

"Plate of eggs and bacon, if you please, TARDIS," he said to the ceiling. "And a cup of coffee, two sugars."

There was a flash and everything appeared on the kitchen table, ready and waiting for him. The Doctor sat down in front of it, picked up his fork and paused when he noticed Rose was pulling a carton of eggs out of the refrigerator.

"You don't have to do that, you know. My TARDIS is capable of making breakfast for you, as shown here," he said, pointing to his food with his fork.

"I know that but I enjoy cooking. I'm not lazy like you are," Rose teased as she set the carton down on the counter by the stove.

"I'm not lazy, I'm being practical. Asking my ship to do this saves time that is better spent doing fun things like exploring."

"Cooking is fun…for me," Rose said as she found a frying pan and some grease.

"Too domestic," the Doctor said, waving his hand dismissively.

"Chicken," Rose said, turning to him.

"Yes, that's where eggs generally come from," the Doctor said.

"No, you're chicken."

"Oh?" the Doctor said, "please elaborate on that."

"You're scared of being domestic because you can't do it. If you had a house, you'd be useless," Rose said.

"Not true," the Doctor said. "I just love to travel. I could be domestic if I wanted to."

"Prove it," Rose said.

"I'm sorry?"

"Prove it. Prove you can be domestic if you want to be," Rose said.

"How? Cook an egg?"

"Yes, but not here," Rose said.

"Where then?"

"Mum's house. I want to see her so we'll go there and I'll give you a list of very simple tasks and you do them and show us you can be domestic. And…by going to her house, you'll be away from the TARDIS and any help she could give you."

"And your mother will be okay with this, will she?" the Doctor said, folding his arms over his chest.

"Well…you won't blow up the flat, will ya?"

"I certainly hope not," the Doctor said.

"Then she won't mind."

She giggled when the Doctor gave her a dubious look.

"Look, I'll ring her and tell her what we're doing," Rose said.

"So she can run and hide?"

"Um…maybe?" Rose said sheepishly.

"This oughta be interesting," the Doctor muttered while Rose pulled her mobile out of her pocket.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Jackie opened the door and hugged Rose when she came in. She looked at the Doctor over her shoulder and raised her eyebrow.

"You know, sometimes I'd like to be a fly on the wall when you have conversations like this," she said to him. "You're not going to destroy my house, are ya?"

"I give you my word that your house will remain intact at the end of this," the Doctor said.

"Okay, come in then," Jackie said.

"Much obliged, Jackie," the Doctor muttered as he stepped inside and closed the door.

"Okay," Rose said when they were all standing in lounge. "Here is the list of things you have to do to prove you can be domestic."

She pulled a tiny list out of her pocket. Jackie read it first and snorted as she passed it to the Doctor. The Doctor took it and read it.

Doctor, below are the tasks you must do in order to win the bet. They must be done correctly or you will fail the task.

Fry one egg.  
Vacuum the floor.  
Clean the toilet.  
Make a bed.

Do these four things correctly and you win the bet.

Rose.

"Easy peasy, I can do them all," the Doctor said, waving his hand dismissively.

"Very well, do them. Starting with the egg," Rose said.

The Doctor put the note in his pocket and Rose and Jackie followed him to the kitchen. He stood there for a moment looking around the kitchen while Rose and Jackie stood at the door and watched him. He then walked over to the fridge, opened it and found the carton of eggs. He put it on the counter and closed the door. Then he rummaged through the cupboards and drawers and found a small skillet and a spatula. He sat those on the counter beside the stove and closed the cabinets and drawers. Then he turned on the burner and put the skillet on it.

"So far?" he asked Rose.

"So far, you're doing everything correctly," Rose said.

The Doctor gave her a smug grin. He opened the carton, pulled out an egg, cracked it on the counter and put it in the pan.

"No!"

The Doctor jerked his head around when he heard Jackie but Rose was telling her not to say anything.

"What'd ya mean, no? This is how Rose does it," the Doctor said.

Jackie shook her head and kept silent. The Doctor snorted and turned back to his egg and picked up the spatula. He tried to turn it over and made a face when he realized the egg was stuck to the bottom of the skillet. Rose giggled while the Doctor had to use the skillet to dig under the egg and peel the egg off the bottom of the frying pan. He turned it over and noticed the underside was black and burnt. He picked the skillet up off the burner and stared at the burnt egg in confusion while Rose giggled and Jackie rolled her eyes.

"So why did you say no then, Jackie?" the Doctor said, showing her the burnt egg.

"You forgot to add something to the pan, super genius," Jackie said while Rose giggled.

"I did not. I've watched Rose do this every morning. This is what she does," the Doctor said to Jackie.

Jackie looked at Rose and Rose shook her head.

"You forgot something important, Doctor," Rose said while Jackie shook her head triumphantly.

The Doctor looked down at the burnt egg, completely confused. Rose chuckled and walked up to him, giving him a loving pat on the back. She took the skillet from him and dumped the burnt egg into the rubbish bin. Then she came back to the stove and the Doctor watched while she opened a cupboard and brought down some cooking oil. She gave the Doctor a pointed look while she poured a little bit of oil in the pan and put it on the burner. She put the oil back in the cupboard and got an egg from the carton. Jackie watched proudly while Rose cracked the egg and put it in the pan.

"You need cooking oil so the egg doesn't stick to the pan," she said to the Doctor while she used the spatula to turn it over.

She cooked the egg and showed it to him in the pan as she turned off the burner.

"You lose," Jackie said smugly while Rose swirled the egg around in the pan and grinned.

"Yeah, well…I forgot one thing. I was nearly there," the Doctor muttered, pulling the note out of his pocket while Rose and Jackie giggled.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Next on the list is vacuuming the floor," Rose said. "You must vacuum the carpet in the lounge correctly to win. Have at it."

The Doctor put the note back in his pocket. He stood in the middle of the lounge, looking around while Rose and Jackie stayed by the wall and watched him. He scratched his head while Rose and Jackie giggled.

"Okay, where is it so I don't waste time," the Doctor said to Jackie.

"Where is what?" Jackie said innocently.

"The vacuum cleaner, Jackie. I do know you clean a carpet with a hoover, where is it?"

"In the cupboard by Rose's bedroom. I'll give you that much so you don't tear apart the flat looking for it," Jackie said, pointing to the hallway where the bedrooms were located.

The Doctor walked into the hallway and opened the cupboard. He pulled out an upright vacuum cleaner and closed the door. He took it into the lounge and examined it while Rose and Jackie watched. He found the plug and cord and unraveled it from the back.

"So far, so good," Rose said softly to her mother while the Doctor plugged in the vacuum.

He walked back to the vacuum and examined it again while the two women watched him. He found a switch near the top of the vacuum and grinned triumphantly when the vacuum roared to life. Happily, he began moving the vacuum back and forth, cleaning the carpet.

"I'm impressed," Jackie said while the Doctor moved the vacuum around the floor.

Then the Doctor got to a tiny throw rug near the sofa. He tried to vacuum it and Jackie gasped when the end of it caught in the vacuum. The Doctor stood there, staring at the rug while the vacuum made a grinding sound.

"That shouldn't be," the Doctor said while Rose ran to the plug.

"Pull it out, idiot!" Jackie yelled at him while Rose unplugged the vacuum. "You're destroying the rug and my vacuum cleaner!"

"Hey!" the Doctor said when Rose pulled the plug and the vacuum died.

"If that happens, Doctor, you don't just stand there and stare at it and hope it fixes itself," Rose said, walking up to him. "You have to turn off the hoover and pull the rug out because it will damage the rug and wreck the vacuum cleaner.

Rose took the vacuum from him, turned it over and pulled the rug out. She examined it and nodded when she realized the vacuum was okay.

"So…did I do it correctly then?" the Doctor said when Rose gathered up the cord.

"No, you didn't because you don't know how to move rugs aside so they won't get caught in the bleedin' hoover!" Jackie said.

"But before that happened, I was doing things correctly, Jackie," the Doctor said angrily.

Rose stepped in between them before the two of them went at it.

"We'll give it to him, Mum. He's right. He was doing it correctly. There aren't any throw rugs in the TARDIS so he didn't know."

"Fine," Jackie said while the Doctor gave her a look of triumph. "Just get on with the next task then."

"Gladly," the Doctor said, pulling the note out of his pocket.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"So, next task is cleaning a toilet," Rose said as she and Jackie walked to the bathroom. "Have at it!"

The Doctor entered the bathroom and walked over to the toilet.

"Cleaning in what way or am I allowed to ask that?" he said to Rose after he examined it for a moment.

"Clean the inside of the toilet. Don't worry about the rest of it," Rose said.

The Doctor nodded. He stared at the inside of the toilet bowl, thinking it looked pretty clean already. Rose and Jackie shared a gleeful look when the Doctor just stared at the toilet, completely at a loss at what to do. Then suddenly he had an idea. Smugly, he flushed the toilet and watched the water swirl around the bowl.

"There, toilet's clean," he said to them.

"No, it's not, git!" Jackie said while Rose bent over laughing.

"It is so, the water just cleaned it!" the Doctor said, pointing to the toilet bowl.

"How does this man survive?" Jackie said to her daughter.

"His TARDIS does it all, Mum. That's why I got him away from it," Rose said.

"I have more important things to do than clean the toilets," he said to them. "The toilet bowl looks clean already!"

"That's because I cleaned it this morning," Jackie said. "If I knew you were doing this, I wouldn't have bothered."

"Here," Rose said as Jackie stood back and let her get into the tiny cupboard across from the sink.

She took out some toilet bowl cleanser and closed the cupboard. The Doctor watched while she put a bit of it into the toilet bowl.

"This cleans it? It's turning it blue," the Doctor said while he watched the cleanser slowly streak down the sides to the water below.

"Just watch," Rose said, putting the cleanser on the sink counter.

She reached beside the toilet and grabbed the toilet brush. She showed it to the Doctor before lifting the lid and using it to scrub the toilet.

"This is extremely labor intensive," the Doctor watched while she scrubbed. "You mean to tell me that with all the ingenuity humans possess, they haven't figured out a way to make a self cleaning toilet?"

"They might have done but we certainly couldn't afford it," Jackie said while Rose finished and replaced the brush in the holder. "We're not rich, Doctor. So if there is a self cleaning toilet, I couldn't afford it, which means I have to rely on cleanser and manpower."

"Well, no wonder I had no clue what to do. My TARDIS cleans all my toilets," the Doctor said.

"Yes, I'm beginning to get the feeling your TARDIS does it all," Jackie said.

"Yes, she does," the Doctor said while Rose giggled and put the cleanser back in the cupboard. "She does that so I can explore and be free to do things other than getting on my knees and mucking out toilets."

"Must be nice," Jackie said. "Some of us actually do things ourselves and don't rely on magical machines."

"Some of us aren't Time Lords and have to rely on manpower rather than magical machines," the Doctor said sarcastically.

"Alright, just stop. This is supposed to be fun. I didn't bring you here to get in a shouting match, which is exactly where this is leading," Rose said, stepping between them.

"Fine. Final task is making a bed. You can make Rose's bed then," Jackie said, stepping outside the doorway.

"Easy peasy," the Doctor said as he walked out of the bathroom.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"Okay, now you have to make this bed completely," Jackie said when they got in Rose's bedroom. "Just don't take the eiderdown, take it off and throw it back over the bed. Do it all."

"Yes, Ma'am," the Doctor said with a sarcastic salute.

Jackie glowered at him while Rose nudged her mom and smiled at her to get her to stop being angry. Jackie took a deep sigh and shook her head while they stood against the back wall and watched. The Doctor began to strip the bed slowly, carefully laying the different parts of the bed on the floor and on top of each other so he'd know what order they were in. When he got down to the mattress, he suddenly left the room. Jackie's eyes widened when he came back with the toilet brush in hand and Rose laughed when he mimed cleaning the mattress with it.

"Sorry, I have to muck out the mattress to get rid of Rose's body funk," he said while Rose giggled.

He took the brush back in the bathroom, not noticing the Jackie did crack a smile at that. He came back inside and picked up the fitted sheet. He examined the edges of it while the women watched and began to put it on the bed. He remembered what it looked like and used that to successfully put the fitted sheet on the bed.

"Shoulda come in here and stripped this beforehand so he wouldn't know what it looked like," Jackie muttered to Rose.

The Doctor picked up the flat sheet. He laid it on the bed and began to put it across the mattress. Rose noticed he was doing it correctly but one side was lopsided and was down further to the floor than the other. He didn't correct it and instead grabbed the pink eiderdown and laid it on the bed. Again, he didn't get it centered and now the eiderdown was hanging down further on one side than on the other. He finished up by putting the pillow at the head of the bed, directly in the center of the mattress.

"Um, not quite," Rose said.

"It's finished," the Doctor said, pointing to it.

"Yeah but it's all lopsided. One side is lower than the other," Rose said, pointing to the side of the eiderdown that was nearly to the floor.

"But this is how you do it, yeah? Apart from that, I did it?"

"You did but you have to make it neat," Jackie said. "It can't sag like that, it looks sloppy."

"But apart from that, I did it, yeah?" the Doctor said, giving her a pointed look.

"Yes, you did. You did it," Rose said.

"Thank you," the Doctor said.

Rose asked him to help her center everything. She got on the other side of the bed, stripped off the eiderdown and flat sheet and she helped the Doctor to get it centered and look neat while the two of them made the bed. When it was finished and the pillow was underneath the flat sheet and eiderdown, they stepped back to look at it.

"Okay, yes, this is neater but I did do the basics, yeah?" the Doctor said.

"Yes, you did and that means you got fifty percent of the tasks right," Rose said.

"But only just," Jackie muttered under her breath.

"Well, this has been quite an education," the Doctor said. "Makes me glad to be a Time Lord and have a TARDIS. You lot need to come up with more efficient ways to do things so you can have more time for fun!"

"Yeah, we'll get right on it, Doctor," Jackie muttered.

"So we go now?" the Doctor said to Rose.

"Well, I did want to spend some time with Mum. Can I?" she said to him.

"You can. I'll go and relax in the TARDIS for a bit and let Jackie cool off. Ta ta, Jackie."

"Bye," Jackie said.

The Doctor walked out of the room and hurried out of the flat. When he reached his TARDIS, he flung open the door, stepped inside and breathed a sigh of relief.

"I don't know if I ever told you this," he said to her while he closed the door. "But I appreciate you so much. Because of you, I'm not down on my knees mucking out toilets. You do it for me and I give you my thanks, Old Girl."

The TARDIS rumbled out laughter and gave him a gentle push on the back of his mind. The Doctor, satisfied that he had managed to learn a bit more about the world of humans, walked over to the jump seat. He sat down and put his feet up on the rim of the console while he waited for Rose to return.

THE END.


End file.
